um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
