I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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