My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I looked at my own cervix.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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