dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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