i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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