what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
