i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
