Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
