Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
