I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
