so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
