Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Fuck appropriateness.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
