she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
