I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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