yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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