thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
