So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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