i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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