The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
