the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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