You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
