I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
