Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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