dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
