On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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