So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
