i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
