you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
