wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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