maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it's like iHOP with fire
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
