eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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