shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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