im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
