I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
