whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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