Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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