The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
