I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
