Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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