dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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