Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
