I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
