tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
