after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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