I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
