She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
