Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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