apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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