i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
