When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
