Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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