I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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