1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
