I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
