Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
