She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
